Keep off my grass!


You will agree that this behaviour of our neighbouring international locations — inching into our hallways, finger by finger — is distinctly unneighbourly. It jogs my memory of my personal neighbour.

‘Don’t thoughts…’ she mentioned someday. I questioned if I shouldn’t thoughts that she by accident poisoned my cat or that she backed into my automotive? Not thoughts what travesty she had already dedicated or what she was going to unleash? She put an finish to my questioning. ‘The drilling for our new cabinets may continue till one o’clock. In the evening. I hope you don’t thoughts.’

Being a docile kind, I invited her in, frothing over with many explanation why she ought to please (and I inserted a ‘please’ thrice) not bore holes into our frequent wall. ‘My baby will be asleep. My mother-in-law is sick. I have ringing in my ears already. My cat needs its beauty sleep.’

‘Oh, your cat!’ she simpered. ‘Such a sweet thing. I keep feeding it milk when I see it outside on the landing.’

I started to soften. Here she was filled with the milk of human kindness in the direction of my un-poisoned cat (how may I’ve ever entertained that baseless thought?) whilst I refused her a little bit of drilling.

She leaned in. ‘You know my carpenter is very hard-working. He can make the cheapest furniture for you. Save your family some money.’

How may I ever have misunderstood this large-hearted neighbour along with her beneficiant gives. My personal carpenter fees an arm and a leg. For an armchair’s leg.

In truth, she’d been making common inroads into my residence, bearing low cost toys for my children, a child monitor as a result of she mentioned, ‘This monitor has an app to put your baby to sleep. Not that she disturbs me — just a little noise across the wall. What are neighbours for, after all?’

‘I thought the walls were thick, impenetrable,’ I mentioned.

‘My dear, nothing stops me. I am interested in everyone’s home issues. I hear the whole lot you say, that child monitor… You know that argument you have been having along with your husband final evening? I’m completely in your aspect.’

‘Thank you, that is very kind of you.’

‘Too kind. That is my fault, dear. I share my things with the whole world.’ She sneezed. ‘See now, this carpenter will break down the old cabinet and all that extra rotting wood — where will we dump it? You can keep it for some future use, it’s coming low cost in any case…’

I gulped whereas she mentioned, ‘I hope you don’t thoughts.’

The subsequent morning, I knocked on her door. ‘Good morning,’ I wanted her cheerfully. ‘Truly, no one appreciated your kindness. Someone who obviously spent half the night awake with the drilling noise, was so sleep-deprived this morning that they backed into your car. The headlights – smashed! Being a good neighbour, I came to tell you. I hope you don’t thoughts.’

Where Jane De Suza, creator of Flyaway Boy, pokes her nostril into our good lives.

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